Life has been changing rapidly, but also staying the same. It's such a bizarre place to be right now. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get anything done, but there are days that I just sit wrapped like a burrito in my bed willing myself to get up and complete at least one task to push me towards my goals. Yet, I continue to be a burrito. Un-moving and un-animated. Looking at me you would never know that I was sitting there running through a list of the million and one things that I have to do. Appointments I have to keep or bills I have to pay. Looking at me you may think I'm just being lazy, but the truth of the matter is, I'm just in the waiting.
The waiting is a time where things are happening, and your goals are being chased, but there's nothing more you can do but wait. There are other versions of this space, and a Christian singer, Jamie Grace has a wonderful song about this stage of life where she talks about being anxious in the waiting while imagining what it would be like for her life to turn out like God planned.
Being stuck in the waiting can be frustrating. It constantly feels like you're on the cusp of something, but that something is just outside of your reach, so you take one more step. Each step you take brings you closer to reaching the thing you've been after, but you still remain on the cusp. The waiting can make you feel a bit crazy and cause you to doubt yourself. For me, I often wonder if it means I think more highly of myself than I should. I mean, if I haven't been discovered yet, then maybe I'm just not that good. If others who seemingly have lower quality writing than I have gotten multiple book deals, or signed with agents, then maybe, just maybe, I really am out of my league.
The thoughts don't last forever, but they do shake you, so how do you have patience in the waiting? Waiting is never fun, but just like I tell my kids, "it's not your turn yet." I have to take my own advice to heart, because it's not my turn, yet. That doesn't mean my turn won't come. It doesn't mean that my spot in this world is going to go to someone else. That's not how talent works. That's really not how things work at all. If something is meant for you, then it will always be meant for you.
I know that I'm not alone in the waiting, and I hope you know that you're not alone either. The waiting can feel an awful lot like the world is passing you by, but it's not. You keep moving in the direction that you want to go and you will eventually get there. The waiting always ends, but patience in the waiting is a skill that most have to hone. I think the trick is being OK with things staying the same, but also realizing the benefits if things change in the way that you hope. I'm not saying I'm on the cusp of greatness, I'm saying I'm on the cusp of where I'm supposed to be and some days my patience in the waiting is nonexistence, but I'm still honing the skill, and it's improving every day.